I decided that trying to change an entire year at a time was a bit overwhelming. So at the beginning of the month, I set myself a few. We're about 2/3 done with the month, so I need to figure out how to get the rest in yet!
1. Blog 5 times. This one I'm going to have to hustle on. This is one, and I just published one on the store blog. So three left to go before the end of the month. I think I might blog about Finn for a bit. That could fill a lot. I love talking about my son.
2. Clean my tupperware cupboard. I finished this one! I was pretty happy about that. Everything has a cover, or a bottom, that matches. The odd strays, and ones that just aren't sizes I use, are in a bag. They'll go in next years garage sale. Probably a freebie box.
3. Sew the vests for Scott. I'm done with all but one. I'm still waiting for the lining material for that one. Scott needed vests for his employees. He needed the first group by Jan 1st. I had the rest of this month to get the other half done. I was pretty happy with this one. I needed to make my own pattern for the largest size one. I think it looks pretty good, and most importantly it looks a lot like the ones I had a pattern for. That's kind of important when it's a uniform.
4. Sew the remaining two portable bean bag games I have materials for. This is a pet project and I'd really like to get them done up. I don't want to just sew them. I want to write down the pattern and instructions. I think they are a pretty good idea if I say so myself, so I want to share. If this goes well, there may be more crafty stuff showing up in here.
Those were my goals. I still have a bit to do, but it's not unrealistic. I did get a bit sidetracked this month. We bought a dining room table, and I had to make a tablecloth. Train tracks and a 4 year old will scratch that up in a hurry! I used a piece of material that was just hanging around, so it was a win. I got to use it, and I freed up room in the storage container for more material! I also started working for Scott. I'm just filling in right now. He's got an employee out for surgery. But I have to tell you, after a year of sleeping in until whenever (generally 8,) getting up at 4:30 am to go to work is a bit difficult! But there are some nice benefits. I get a brisk walk in the morning. The first thing I have to do is go to the top and walk the ramp down to the booth. I'm looking for garbage, graffiti and vagrants. I have no clue what I'll do if I find the latter! Plus counting the cars. Then I can sit in a nice heated booth with a computer for the next 5 hours. It's mainly people coming in to work, so the first several hours are generally very quiet. I go online and do my editing for work. It's been really nice. I get a lot more of that accomplished without my helper. Then I play on facebook or babycenter. I need to hit the library, I think. I read a book that someone had left there, but I'm done with that now.
So the plan is to blog a bit about Finn, and a check in at the end of the month. That leaves one more blog, maybe a second one about Finn, he's worth it. I'm hoping that the material for the vest gets dropped off tomorrow so I can finish that. That leaves me a lot of time to finish the bean bags. This is doable. Of course, I need to start thinking about February's goals as well.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fantasy Football - a brief draft history at Paddy's Game Shoppe
We run a couple of Fantasy Football Leagues at the store. We started the first football season that we were open. There were 10 of us. We were going to run a keeper league, so even this first draft was going to be important. I went in feeling, well, unprepared. This wasn’t a completely new world for me. I’ve been playing ESPN’s fantasy games for years. The big difference being, none of those games were drafts where we were going to be competing for the same players! In the games I was playing, if everyone wanted Tom Brady for quarterback, you had him.
We had some white boards to write draft picks on. Which lasted about two rounds, and then they were full. Many times someone picked someone, only to find out they had not heard when someone else picked them. These days, we have Commish kits from commishkit.com. Big graphs with our team names and logos (yes, we have logos!) and bright, color coded stickers with the players names on them. No more desperately trying to spell Houshmanzadah (?) or even BenJarvius Green-Ellis. Troy who?? Pala –what-a? Now I just have to remember if he’s a wide receiver (white stickers) or a running back (green) only to sheepishly start digging through the yellow stickers to find him. Who takes a tight end in the 1st round??
Well that year, it was my Uncle Glen, and laugh at his strategy all you want. He took Jeremy Shockey in the first round of the expansion draft. I do have to admit that his next two picks, Tom Brady and Randy Moss, probably had more to do with his winning the championship that year than Jeremy Shockey did. But it stands in the league annals. The guy that took a tight end in the first round, won the championship.
In the six years the league has existed, we’ve never had a repeat championship. Five years, five winners and last year, it was me! We have both An individual trophy and one that stays at the store. That way past winners have proof for their trash talking at the draft. Which is all part of the fun. The groans and moans and snickers as the draft continues. We actually have two of them. We have a Dynasty league and we have another league. That league has changed format and will be an interesting draft next year. Each person will be deciding how many they are keeping, but it’s only going to be revealed round by round. I can’t wait to see how it plays out next year.
The end of the year, we have a party and watch the Big Game. You know which one I mean. The one in February, the one that comes with all the new commercials. We have snacks, and play games during the afternoon. We eat pizza and watch the game. At half times, prizes and trophies are awarded.
We have a lot of fun during the year. We chat online during the games. We sweat out scoring changes. We prowl the free agents. All for a silver trophy and our name on the plaque. And the bragging rights. You can’t forget the bragging rights. Did I mention that I won last year?
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sorrow and Joy
This has been one heck of a month. It has had it’s ups and downs, and unfortunately, we are ending it the same way. We started the month with my getting hired for a full time work at home position. That was great! I’ve been unemployed since October and while I love being home with Finn, it was time for me to go back to work. Now I get to work at home, and see him on and off the bus every day!
Then we were burgled, burglarized? I’m not sure of the term. I know it’s not robbed, because we weren’t at the store. I’ve been informed that’s the difference. I’m not really hung up on the term right now. Someone broke in to our store and stole stuff. That’s what really mattered.
We had our Fantasy Football Draft on Saturday. That was a lot of fun. I got to spend the day with several members of my family, while the first draft happened. Then dinner with the family, and then I was in the second draft. I have to say I’m pretty happy with my draft. I was the league champion last year, and I think I had a pretty good draft.
But that was overshadowed by the worst news of the month. Our fellow card store owner, friend, and darn near mentor when we opened, Keven Schafer, was battling pancreatic cancer. We got the news on Friday, he was diagnosed last Monday. On Friday he was in the hospital and they were talking Hospice programs. To say we were stunned is an understatement. How could this be? Kevin encouraged us when we opened our store. He helped us find cases to hold the Magic cards. He helped us get shelves to hold the games. He helped us get a base of common and uncommon cards so that we had something to sell. He was always ready with advice and support. If you know Kevin, you know that came with a smile, a grin and a laugh.
Saturday night at dinner, Uncle Jerry got the call that they were going to take Kevin off life support.
That was it. Monday he was diagnosed, Thursday/Friday he went in to the hospital, and on Saturday, he was gone. I hate cancer. It was about fifteen years ago that my Grandfather H lost to stomach cancer. Five years ago, weeks before we found out I was pregnant, it claimed my father-in-law with colon cancer. Last year it took my cousin. A bright, beautiful, 17 year old young woman with her entire life in front of her. Colon cancer and brain cancer claimed her. I know it’s claimed many others, but those are the ones that stand out right now. And on Saturday, it claimed Kevin Schafer. Let me say it again, I hate cancer.
He was 54 years old. He loved sports. He was the most outgoing and friendly guy you’d ever meet. He remembered people and really seemed to enjoy everything he did. He is going to be missed by everyone who’s life he touched.
In a month of up’s and downs, the last day of the month will be no different. Late Wednesday afternoon, we will go to open house for Finn’s preschool class. We’ll meet his new teacher, we’ll see his locker, and get excited about riding the bus again. We’ll rejoice as Finn is mainstreamed this year and we’ll anticipate the progress he’ll make this year. Then we’ll go to Kevin’s funeral and mourn the loss of our friend. So ends August, joy and sorrow, as life should be. We’re just getting a closer look at those moments this month.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
They can afford it
I saw that comment recently. It was in regards to a large company and the feeling was because they were large, it didn't really matter if they lost money, because they could afford it. I've never particularly cared for that attitude. It seems to say that it's okay to take from someone if you think it won't impact their life. I ran into that feeling another time that same week. Only this time it was in regards to me.
Our store was robbed a few weeks ago. I wasn't at home, so I missed out on that 5 am phone call from the police. You know when the phone rings at that time, it's never going to be good. By the time I heard about it, the police had been and gone, the locksmith had been and gone, and everything looked normal.
But normal was gone. We spent time that weekend researching security systems. Don't get me wrong, we did have alarms and a monitoring system. The fact that it works well, the police station is 3 blocks from our store, and well, 5 am is kind of a slow time from them, all worked in our favor. We're fairly certain that it was about 4 minutes from the time the door was broken until the police showed up.
We also have assumed that the reason there was "only" the damage done was because of the quick response. So we looked at security systems, and then had to figure out the best place to put the camera's, so that we can at least have a chance of seeing who it is that cares so little about others they would break in and steal stuff.
There was an outpouring of support from regulars, friends, family and strangers that read about it in the paper. We had at least one person come in to make a purchase because they read about it in the paper. It was a wonderful feeling. and yet....
There is always someone, isn't there? There were a few comments such as, "well you have insurance don't you? so it's not like it really hurt you!" "it's not like you won't get that money back", (actually we won't. but thanks for your concern)
People make assumptions all the time. Some of them I don't understand. Everyone has insurance on their vehicle. They know about deductibles, but somehow they don't think about that with a business. We are out our entire deductible. That's money gone. We'll be able to claim it as a loss on our taxes, but it's not like we don't have to cover that expense. The product that was taken was already paid for, and we have to pay again to replace it. That's a big expense for a business. Your expenses are based on what you assume you're going to sell. To have to repurchase without selling throws that budget out of whack. Most small businesses don't have a huge cash flow. Money goes out just as fast as it comes in!
So we were out product, which means cash off the bottom line. We had to buy a security system and I'll answer another question here, this isn't something available for less than $100. We're not installing a web cam on a shelf. This is a serious system, but you can see for yourself at Sam's Club, they run from $250 - $1500. We had to get product on the shelf. The product that was stolen is the driving force of our sales. It's the reason a lot of people come in to the store. Not having product is the quickest way to drive people away. We needed it today. So that meant a trip to another store to purchase what they could share, and an emergency shipment from the distributor, with it's attendant costs.
Then we can add in the time. The 7 hours before we opened that day with no locking door before the locksmith got there. The hours we've spent with the police officers working on the case. I can only imagine what kind of time will be involved when they catch the person responsible.
And the other cost. The feeling of violation, the broken trust, someone that knew us, and knew the product (based on what they took, they knew exactly what they were doing) felt it was perfectly fine to take from us. The store isn't a hobby for us. It's profit isn't strictly for our entertainment. That profit pays our mortgage, it puts food on the table, and a couple of times a year, it's able to pay for some form of entertainment. We've lost those for a while.
I think people have an odd idea of how much money a business makes. I know I've encountered it before, we've had people ask what a good day was, asking if $75,000-80,000 was typical. I wanted to fall out of my chair in hysterics. I'll let you in a a little secret: a good day is less than 2% of that. Plus there is the minor detail that what comes in is not all profit. There are a lot of expenses that come out of that, and most days are not even "good" days. We don't expect them to be, it's not reasonable to think that all days are going to be high selling days.
So for us to lose most of a month's profit, yeah, it hurts. To have that denigrated because losing it means that we have to give up things, that hurts. I don't really expect people to "poor baby" us, but don't denigrate our loss. That's rude and frankly, a bit condescending. The sad part is those few rude comments stick around longer than the nice comments, and there are far more of them.
When I hear someone say, "they can afford the loss, they make enough" I wonder how much the speaker really understands what a loss can mean.
Our store was robbed a few weeks ago. I wasn't at home, so I missed out on that 5 am phone call from the police. You know when the phone rings at that time, it's never going to be good. By the time I heard about it, the police had been and gone, the locksmith had been and gone, and everything looked normal.
But normal was gone. We spent time that weekend researching security systems. Don't get me wrong, we did have alarms and a monitoring system. The fact that it works well, the police station is 3 blocks from our store, and well, 5 am is kind of a slow time from them, all worked in our favor. We're fairly certain that it was about 4 minutes from the time the door was broken until the police showed up.
We also have assumed that the reason there was "only" the damage done was because of the quick response. So we looked at security systems, and then had to figure out the best place to put the camera's, so that we can at least have a chance of seeing who it is that cares so little about others they would break in and steal stuff.
There was an outpouring of support from regulars, friends, family and strangers that read about it in the paper. We had at least one person come in to make a purchase because they read about it in the paper. It was a wonderful feeling. and yet....
There is always someone, isn't there? There were a few comments such as, "well you have insurance don't you? so it's not like it really hurt you!" "it's not like you won't get that money back", (actually we won't. but thanks for your concern)
People make assumptions all the time. Some of them I don't understand. Everyone has insurance on their vehicle. They know about deductibles, but somehow they don't think about that with a business. We are out our entire deductible. That's money gone. We'll be able to claim it as a loss on our taxes, but it's not like we don't have to cover that expense. The product that was taken was already paid for, and we have to pay again to replace it. That's a big expense for a business. Your expenses are based on what you assume you're going to sell. To have to repurchase without selling throws that budget out of whack. Most small businesses don't have a huge cash flow. Money goes out just as fast as it comes in!
So we were out product, which means cash off the bottom line. We had to buy a security system and I'll answer another question here, this isn't something available for less than $100. We're not installing a web cam on a shelf. This is a serious system, but you can see for yourself at Sam's Club, they run from $250 - $1500. We had to get product on the shelf. The product that was stolen is the driving force of our sales. It's the reason a lot of people come in to the store. Not having product is the quickest way to drive people away. We needed it today. So that meant a trip to another store to purchase what they could share, and an emergency shipment from the distributor, with it's attendant costs.
Then we can add in the time. The 7 hours before we opened that day with no locking door before the locksmith got there. The hours we've spent with the police officers working on the case. I can only imagine what kind of time will be involved when they catch the person responsible.
And the other cost. The feeling of violation, the broken trust, someone that knew us, and knew the product (based on what they took, they knew exactly what they were doing) felt it was perfectly fine to take from us. The store isn't a hobby for us. It's profit isn't strictly for our entertainment. That profit pays our mortgage, it puts food on the table, and a couple of times a year, it's able to pay for some form of entertainment. We've lost those for a while.
I think people have an odd idea of how much money a business makes. I know I've encountered it before, we've had people ask what a good day was, asking if $75,000-80,000 was typical. I wanted to fall out of my chair in hysterics. I'll let you in a a little secret: a good day is less than 2% of that. Plus there is the minor detail that what comes in is not all profit. There are a lot of expenses that come out of that, and most days are not even "good" days. We don't expect them to be, it's not reasonable to think that all days are going to be high selling days.
So for us to lose most of a month's profit, yeah, it hurts. To have that denigrated because losing it means that we have to give up things, that hurts. I don't really expect people to "poor baby" us, but don't denigrate our loss. That's rude and frankly, a bit condescending. The sad part is those few rude comments stick around longer than the nice comments, and there are far more of them.
When I hear someone say, "they can afford the loss, they make enough" I wonder how much the speaker really understands what a loss can mean.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Lazy Summer Days
I've always wondered exactly what is meant by that. The day's don't seem lazy to me, they simply fly by! My guess is that it's more about how people feel, or how they think that they should feel. I know that I"m not overly ambitious. My days are rather relaxed. I do laundry, I do dishes, or rather, Finn and I do them. We pick up toys. We eat peanut butter sandwiches, we lay under the apple tree and look at clouds. I have to admit, that part is simply amazing. There is nothing in the world that beats laying on fresh mown grass, eating peanut butter sandwiches, drinking cold lemonade and pointing out clouds with your child. It is everything I think Lazy Summer Days are supposed to mean. There is a peace and contentment in that moment that, to me, defines perfection.
Oh I know that there are more dishes to do, the dryer is probably done, the bushes in the front of the house need to be cut, the driveway has weeds that need to be pulled and I know the floor needs to be swept. I have several stories that are lingering, I can't count the sewing projects that need finishing. But right now, the clouds are moving, the shapes are changing and it's going to end far too soon.
Somehow, I don't think it's going to be the same when Finn no longer wants to lay there with me and watch the clouds. I can't hold on to these Lazy Summer Days, they are slipping between my fingers and there is nothing I can do to keep them.
Oh I know that there are more dishes to do, the dryer is probably done, the bushes in the front of the house need to be cut, the driveway has weeds that need to be pulled and I know the floor needs to be swept. I have several stories that are lingering, I can't count the sewing projects that need finishing. But right now, the clouds are moving, the shapes are changing and it's going to end far too soon.
Somehow, I don't think it's going to be the same when Finn no longer wants to lay there with me and watch the clouds. I can't hold on to these Lazy Summer Days, they are slipping between my fingers and there is nothing I can do to keep them.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Recollections
Monday was a day of reminscing for me. It was also Faolan's 4th birthday. Throughout the day my thoughts kept drifting back 4 years to the day he was born. "They've started Pitocin", "Mom and Dad are here now," "I'm trying the shower thing," etc. All day my mind was half way between what was going on at home and what was happening 4 years previously. It was a quiet day at home, we had his friends party on Saturday and family party on Sunday. I kept looking at this busy boy and just enjoying his every existance.
It started a long time ago. 1989 to be precise. We carefully discussed it, and began trying for our family. A few months in we got a positive on a home test. Which turned out to either be a chemical pregnancy, or a false positive. It was heartbreaking, but we persisted. We started infertility treatments in 1990-1991. The stress mounted and we finally decided to take a break. Life went on, and around 1997 we decided to try again. More testing, more consultations, more specialists and more negative tests. We ended up at the point where we were running out of funds and the next steps were the ones that lead to higher order multiples (more than 3.) For a variety of reasons, we decided to stop treatments again.
Life moves on, and over the years it was a constant thought in the back of my mind. The ache of wanting our own child never went away. I won't drag you through the dark times of infertility, but they were there. Several things happened, and in 2005, I decided it was enough. My 2006 New Years Resolution was to let it go. We had a new business and a good life. It was time to stop mourning about what wasn't going to be, and get on with life. I did so many things for myself and our marriage that year. I ate better, a lot better and my system normalized. I was thrilled. I spent more time with Gino, we threw ourselves in to our store. I started bellydancing tapes with a friend.
Then in October things got a bit crazy. We started the month with a friends wedding. About a week or so later another friend had a baby (I've been back up labor coach for all three children, and we were both really surprised when I almost passed out when she got her epidural) the following week my maternal Grandmother's brother and her sister passed away within 24 hours of each other. A trip out of town for two funerals on two days, sleeping on a friends couch. I came home to find out that my Dad's Aunt and one of his cousins had both passed away. October wasn't done with us yet though, and the following week we got a phone call that Gino's dad was in the hospital and wasn't doing well. We spent the last 10 days of October and the first week of November traveling back and forth between St Cloud and Grand Rapids. It was a lot of time in the car, and a lot of fast food. I was disappointed in myself, but felt it was understandable when my system was once again out of whack. I was exhausted, and spent much of November going to bed early and fighting to stay awake at work. In early December I ended up with a case of stomach flu that would not go away. But I also had symptoms that things were returning to normal. I did get a bit frustrated as there was a lump in my stomach that made it uncomfortable to sleep in my favorite position, and I was getting up to go to the bathroom all night long.
You know throughout the past 17 years, I've gotten to be an expert in home pregnancy tests. I got to see the technology change. I used them several times a year. Every few months I'd start to think, well maybe.....I could manufacture symptoms at the drop of a hat. So I'd go buy a test, take it, and sit and stare at the test strip. Watching as it did absolutely nothing. 3 minutes, 4 minutes, 5 minutes, all the way through the 10 minutes that they say not to read the test after. They were all an unrelenting blank test. Every time. But they generally resulted in a kick start to my system.
So in the middle of December on one of my trips to the store, I picked up a test. Between my regular job and the store, I didn't have a lot of free time, so I decided to take it at the store. In my rush I thought that I had used the test incorrectly and threw it away without even looking at it. I didn't need ot look really, I knew what a negative test looked like. Nothing happened over the next week, except I kept getting up to go to the bathroom, the lump didn't go away, and I kept getting sick two to three afternoons a week. Generally after I ate Chinese food. To be honest, I blamed it on the restaurant. On one memorable occassion, I threw up three times in the car on the way back to work. It's about 4 blocks. I went home and slept all afternoon. Came back to work and just about thew up when I was drinking my coffee. So late that week, Thursday, I was with friends finishing up my Christmas shopping and I decided that I was going to get another test. It would straighten my head out and my body would settle down.
I went home, went upstairs and used the test. I washed my hands and glanced at it to make sure that the test was working. To my utter shock, not only was the test strip showing, but in the results window was a plus sign. When I say shock, we think I mean it literally. When I got downstairs with the stick my hands were shaking, I was white and cold. Gino knew something was up and asked, all I could do was hand him the stick. He smiled and it was the most amazing and fragile feeling. We'd had a false positive before. So he asked what I wanted to do, and then we went to the store and bought another test. I bought the name brand, not the store brand this time. It was a bit more expensive, but I figured a second brand was a smart move. Again I go upstairs, test, and watch the plus sign appear. I'm ecstatic and terrified as I tell Gino that yes, this one is positive too. We sit on the couch talking for a couple of hours and agree that I'll go in to the doctor to confirm it in the morning. We tried to sleep, but I gave up at about 3:00 a.m. I spent the night on the couch alternating between reading and staring in to space. At one point I decided that really, I was being foolish. It was more likely that they had stored the tests wrong at the store and every test was going to be a positive than my being pregnant. I considered going to a differant store. Only the fact that we were parked in by friends kept me at home.
My boss still laughs and wishes she had a camera for when I came in. I told her what we thought and she asked why I wasn't at the doctor. They weren't open yet, so I had to wait until 8:00 so that I could call. The scheduling lady was very nice, "how can I help you?" "I'd like to come in for a pregnancy test" "is there a reason you suspect that you might be pregnant?" "I took two tests last night and they both came back positive." laughter, "you don't need to come in, you're pregnant" "We've been trying for 17 years and I've had a false positive before, I need to know." "You come right in, we'll get you in." So I did. I went and peed in a cup. "you can go home and the doctor will call with the results." "No, I'm going to wait in the waiting room." "Ok, we'll call you back when we have the results." I go out to the waiting room and barely sit down. "Dawn?" See, I knew it. It couldn't be true, the nurse leads me back. I fully expect to stop just after we pass reception, it's the way it's always done when I go to the doctor for a pregnancy test. She doesn't stop, instead leading me down the hall to some kind of a room. There is a refrigerator there, maybe it's the nurses break room? I think that they've found something else wrong, as if they were testing for something else. "Your tests result came back positive, you are pregnant."
Tears pour down my face as I sink in to a chair. The nurse is concerned as she reaches for kleenex, "is this bad news?" I look up at her in a daze, "we've been trying for 17 years!!" She uses the kleenex for herself, "I love it when I get to give news like this! It's going to make my family's Christmas!" Her family's Christmas! Holy Mackeral, I'm going to get to give my family the best Christmas present ever! Once we are both done crying she asks me if I'd like to schedule my appointments and do the bloodwork now rather than scheduling a separate appointment. Would I? I've been waiting so incredibly long for this. I want it all. I'm an absolute mess as the technician is drawing my blood. She's excited for us as well, "I did your pregnancy test! I've never seen one turn positive so fast." By the time I've gotten up to the scheduler, the entire office knew what was going on. I can't get in to see the doctor until almost the 10th of January, but I can schedule our orientation class. Just before I leave the nurse that told me I was pregnant hands me a peice of paper. "We don't normally do this, but here's a copy of your lab test, I thought in your case, you might need to actually see it later." Oh, she was right. I left the office clutching handfuls of paper, but that lab test was taken out and stared at many times over the next 10 days. "pregnancy test - positive" some of the most beautiful words I had ever seen.
To this day I'm not sure how I drove back to the store. I called my boss and said I wasn't coming back that day. It was the Friday before Christmas and I only work 1/2 days on Friday anyways. By the time I had all the bloodwork done and appointments set, it was almost 11. She was completely understanding and I headed for Gino. It was the most amazing weekend. We called his family, but we were spending Christmas with mine, so I wanted to tell them in person. I went shopping and got a Christmas card "To Grandma and Grandpa" an "What to Expect when You're Expecting" and baby hangers. It seemed a safe enough baby purchase, not too pushy about what kind of expectations we had, and I had no clue what I wanted for a nursery.
The two days from Friday until Sunday (Christmas Eve) were nerve-wracking. I wanted to call my mom, I wanted to drive over, I just wanted to tell! It was everything I wanted it to be, my mom excited, my siblings excited, me crying. We spent the evening calling people to tell them our news. My mom even managed to show up at Christmas morning with baby gifts.
The days until our appointment drug by. I had my doubts every single day. When the doctor's office called with a problem with our bloodwork I was positive that it was a mistake, she was calling to let me know I wasn't really pregnant. She told me that my blood sugars were high and asked if I had eaten or been under any stress that day. I really can't tell you if I ate or not, but I sure was stressed. She said that was probably the issue and she laughed when I asked her if I was still pregnant. That blood test was a sign of things to come. I had gestational diabetes, and I had a pretty strong case. But I was still pregnant. When we got to our appointment and heard the heartbeat, it was amazing. More tears. Dr. Pinkerton did the exam, and then said, "I think we need an ultrasound. There is no way you are only 12 weeks and we need to see how many appointments to schedule" So off we went to the waiting room. We were finally called back and they said that because I hadn't been told to come in with a full bladder, they weren't sure if they'd be able to do an external, but they'd try that first. The put the gel on my stomach, and then the wand, and the tech said, "well! there's your baby." There he was, looking just like a baby, we could see head, arms, legs, feet, hands, I thought I may have seen more, but she didn't linger. She did measurement after measurement and the answer came up, 15 weeks 5 days. I was already out of the first trimester!
Because of complications, it was less than 6 months from the positive tests at home until the day we were holding Faolan in our arms. Life hasn't slowed down either. Every day I see him change and grow. We're more busy than we ever thought that we would be, and we're loving it, every day! My guess is that I'll think of those days every year on his birthday.
It started a long time ago. 1989 to be precise. We carefully discussed it, and began trying for our family. A few months in we got a positive on a home test. Which turned out to either be a chemical pregnancy, or a false positive. It was heartbreaking, but we persisted. We started infertility treatments in 1990-1991. The stress mounted and we finally decided to take a break. Life went on, and around 1997 we decided to try again. More testing, more consultations, more specialists and more negative tests. We ended up at the point where we were running out of funds and the next steps were the ones that lead to higher order multiples (more than 3.) For a variety of reasons, we decided to stop treatments again.
Life moves on, and over the years it was a constant thought in the back of my mind. The ache of wanting our own child never went away. I won't drag you through the dark times of infertility, but they were there. Several things happened, and in 2005, I decided it was enough. My 2006 New Years Resolution was to let it go. We had a new business and a good life. It was time to stop mourning about what wasn't going to be, and get on with life. I did so many things for myself and our marriage that year. I ate better, a lot better and my system normalized. I was thrilled. I spent more time with Gino, we threw ourselves in to our store. I started bellydancing tapes with a friend.
Then in October things got a bit crazy. We started the month with a friends wedding. About a week or so later another friend had a baby (I've been back up labor coach for all three children, and we were both really surprised when I almost passed out when she got her epidural) the following week my maternal Grandmother's brother and her sister passed away within 24 hours of each other. A trip out of town for two funerals on two days, sleeping on a friends couch. I came home to find out that my Dad's Aunt and one of his cousins had both passed away. October wasn't done with us yet though, and the following week we got a phone call that Gino's dad was in the hospital and wasn't doing well. We spent the last 10 days of October and the first week of November traveling back and forth between St Cloud and Grand Rapids. It was a lot of time in the car, and a lot of fast food. I was disappointed in myself, but felt it was understandable when my system was once again out of whack. I was exhausted, and spent much of November going to bed early and fighting to stay awake at work. In early December I ended up with a case of stomach flu that would not go away. But I also had symptoms that things were returning to normal. I did get a bit frustrated as there was a lump in my stomach that made it uncomfortable to sleep in my favorite position, and I was getting up to go to the bathroom all night long.
You know throughout the past 17 years, I've gotten to be an expert in home pregnancy tests. I got to see the technology change. I used them several times a year. Every few months I'd start to think, well maybe.....I could manufacture symptoms at the drop of a hat. So I'd go buy a test, take it, and sit and stare at the test strip. Watching as it did absolutely nothing. 3 minutes, 4 minutes, 5 minutes, all the way through the 10 minutes that they say not to read the test after. They were all an unrelenting blank test. Every time. But they generally resulted in a kick start to my system.
So in the middle of December on one of my trips to the store, I picked up a test. Between my regular job and the store, I didn't have a lot of free time, so I decided to take it at the store. In my rush I thought that I had used the test incorrectly and threw it away without even looking at it. I didn't need ot look really, I knew what a negative test looked like. Nothing happened over the next week, except I kept getting up to go to the bathroom, the lump didn't go away, and I kept getting sick two to three afternoons a week. Generally after I ate Chinese food. To be honest, I blamed it on the restaurant. On one memorable occassion, I threw up three times in the car on the way back to work. It's about 4 blocks. I went home and slept all afternoon. Came back to work and just about thew up when I was drinking my coffee. So late that week, Thursday, I was with friends finishing up my Christmas shopping and I decided that I was going to get another test. It would straighten my head out and my body would settle down.
I went home, went upstairs and used the test. I washed my hands and glanced at it to make sure that the test was working. To my utter shock, not only was the test strip showing, but in the results window was a plus sign. When I say shock, we think I mean it literally. When I got downstairs with the stick my hands were shaking, I was white and cold. Gino knew something was up and asked, all I could do was hand him the stick. He smiled and it was the most amazing and fragile feeling. We'd had a false positive before. So he asked what I wanted to do, and then we went to the store and bought another test. I bought the name brand, not the store brand this time. It was a bit more expensive, but I figured a second brand was a smart move. Again I go upstairs, test, and watch the plus sign appear. I'm ecstatic and terrified as I tell Gino that yes, this one is positive too. We sit on the couch talking for a couple of hours and agree that I'll go in to the doctor to confirm it in the morning. We tried to sleep, but I gave up at about 3:00 a.m. I spent the night on the couch alternating between reading and staring in to space. At one point I decided that really, I was being foolish. It was more likely that they had stored the tests wrong at the store and every test was going to be a positive than my being pregnant. I considered going to a differant store. Only the fact that we were parked in by friends kept me at home.
My boss still laughs and wishes she had a camera for when I came in. I told her what we thought and she asked why I wasn't at the doctor. They weren't open yet, so I had to wait until 8:00 so that I could call. The scheduling lady was very nice, "how can I help you?" "I'd like to come in for a pregnancy test" "is there a reason you suspect that you might be pregnant?" "I took two tests last night and they both came back positive." laughter, "you don't need to come in, you're pregnant" "We've been trying for 17 years and I've had a false positive before, I need to know." "You come right in, we'll get you in." So I did. I went and peed in a cup. "you can go home and the doctor will call with the results." "No, I'm going to wait in the waiting room." "Ok, we'll call you back when we have the results." I go out to the waiting room and barely sit down. "Dawn?" See, I knew it. It couldn't be true, the nurse leads me back. I fully expect to stop just after we pass reception, it's the way it's always done when I go to the doctor for a pregnancy test. She doesn't stop, instead leading me down the hall to some kind of a room. There is a refrigerator there, maybe it's the nurses break room? I think that they've found something else wrong, as if they were testing for something else. "Your tests result came back positive, you are pregnant."
Tears pour down my face as I sink in to a chair. The nurse is concerned as she reaches for kleenex, "is this bad news?" I look up at her in a daze, "we've been trying for 17 years!!" She uses the kleenex for herself, "I love it when I get to give news like this! It's going to make my family's Christmas!" Her family's Christmas! Holy Mackeral, I'm going to get to give my family the best Christmas present ever! Once we are both done crying she asks me if I'd like to schedule my appointments and do the bloodwork now rather than scheduling a separate appointment. Would I? I've been waiting so incredibly long for this. I want it all. I'm an absolute mess as the technician is drawing my blood. She's excited for us as well, "I did your pregnancy test! I've never seen one turn positive so fast." By the time I've gotten up to the scheduler, the entire office knew what was going on. I can't get in to see the doctor until almost the 10th of January, but I can schedule our orientation class. Just before I leave the nurse that told me I was pregnant hands me a peice of paper. "We don't normally do this, but here's a copy of your lab test, I thought in your case, you might need to actually see it later." Oh, she was right. I left the office clutching handfuls of paper, but that lab test was taken out and stared at many times over the next 10 days. "pregnancy test - positive" some of the most beautiful words I had ever seen.
To this day I'm not sure how I drove back to the store. I called my boss and said I wasn't coming back that day. It was the Friday before Christmas and I only work 1/2 days on Friday anyways. By the time I had all the bloodwork done and appointments set, it was almost 11. She was completely understanding and I headed for Gino. It was the most amazing weekend. We called his family, but we were spending Christmas with mine, so I wanted to tell them in person. I went shopping and got a Christmas card "To Grandma and Grandpa" an "What to Expect when You're Expecting" and baby hangers. It seemed a safe enough baby purchase, not too pushy about what kind of expectations we had, and I had no clue what I wanted for a nursery.
The two days from Friday until Sunday (Christmas Eve) were nerve-wracking. I wanted to call my mom, I wanted to drive over, I just wanted to tell! It was everything I wanted it to be, my mom excited, my siblings excited, me crying. We spent the evening calling people to tell them our news. My mom even managed to show up at Christmas morning with baby gifts.
The days until our appointment drug by. I had my doubts every single day. When the doctor's office called with a problem with our bloodwork I was positive that it was a mistake, she was calling to let me know I wasn't really pregnant. She told me that my blood sugars were high and asked if I had eaten or been under any stress that day. I really can't tell you if I ate or not, but I sure was stressed. She said that was probably the issue and she laughed when I asked her if I was still pregnant. That blood test was a sign of things to come. I had gestational diabetes, and I had a pretty strong case. But I was still pregnant. When we got to our appointment and heard the heartbeat, it was amazing. More tears. Dr. Pinkerton did the exam, and then said, "I think we need an ultrasound. There is no way you are only 12 weeks and we need to see how many appointments to schedule" So off we went to the waiting room. We were finally called back and they said that because I hadn't been told to come in with a full bladder, they weren't sure if they'd be able to do an external, but they'd try that first. The put the gel on my stomach, and then the wand, and the tech said, "well! there's your baby." There he was, looking just like a baby, we could see head, arms, legs, feet, hands, I thought I may have seen more, but she didn't linger. She did measurement after measurement and the answer came up, 15 weeks 5 days. I was already out of the first trimester!
Because of complications, it was less than 6 months from the positive tests at home until the day we were holding Faolan in our arms. Life hasn't slowed down either. Every day I see him change and grow. We're more busy than we ever thought that we would be, and we're loving it, every day! My guess is that I'll think of those days every year on his birthday.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Mommies Funding Research
Have you heard the phrase “it’s just the internet” or “It’s not like it’s real people” or “what do I care about someone that lives in my computer.” I can only shake my head at this comment. Are you a real person? Do you live in a computer? Where do you think the other mesages come from? In case you’re stumped, let me help you out. It’s a real person, they don’t live in the computer. They have family and friends, they have bills and responsibilities. They have feelings. Those feelings can be hurt. More importantly, those people can be your real friends too.
You may have heard me talk about Babycenter. Maybe more than once! Babycenter is a website owned by Johnson and Johnson. I stumbled on them in the early days of our surprise pregnancy. They have tons of information not only about pregnancy, but about babies as well. But for me, the appeal to BabyCenter is the Community (BBC.) Thousands of people gathering together to discuss everything from trying to concieve, sharing throughout pregnancy and into parenting, and beyond that as well. If there is a topic you like to discuss, BBC has a group that discusses it.
I found several groups that fit, and found a “home” in the group called July 07. As you may guess, it was for women that were due in July of 2007. Finn’s first due date was actually 7/27, before it was moved to 7/2. By the time we found out we would most likely have a June baby, I had made friends with so many of the women on the board, I didn’t want to start over with June.
We shared a lot on that board. Our hopes, fears, parenting questions, pictures of our bellies, concerns about our doctors, fears of labor for us first-timers. We fought, sometimes bitterly. I’ll jump ahead and let you know that some of those that fought constantly are good friends now. Then we started having babies. The first one that I remember was Kennedy. She was born in mid-March. We checked the boards for updates often, and we all wept when Kennedy’s mom let us know that there would be no more updates. Kennedy is still thought of often, and I hope her momma knows that she’s remembered. There were more losses and then we started to get more survival stories. And in mid-June, I joined the list of happy stories.
By late July we still had a few babies that hadn’t arrived and us early ones were on our six-week check-ups and getting ready to go back to work. One of our mommies, Monica, came back from her check-up with devastating news. Her adorable son, Sawyer, was having issues. The doctor wanted to do more tests, and in late August, July 07 learned about SMA, Spinal Muscular Atropy. It’s a terminal diagnosis. Information searches checked everywhere and information and love flowed to Monica and Sawyer. We all watched helplessly as Sawyer struggled and we wept with Monica in October, when the SMA became too much.
A year later, Claire recieved news that her little girl, Hannah, also had a serious condition. Hannah had MPS, mucopolysaccharidosis. There is no cure, although there were treatments. Claire and Hannah spent the next six months in the hospital. Once again July 07 rallied with emotional support and even some gift cards to make meals easier for them while they were so far from home. Christmas was sober for July 07 and heartbreaking for Hannah’s family and shortly after Christmas, Hannah’s family made the difficult choice to stop fighting.
It left all of us aching to do something. Something more than the cards,flowers, people attending her memorial service. More than wearing ribbons and remembering Hannah and Sawyer. We loved those babies and their momma’s and we were unable to sit and do nothing.
So we are. We’re doing something every single year. We call it “Mommies Funding Research.” Here’s our page: http://mommiesfundingresearch.blogspot.com Every year from June 29th – July 7th (Sawyer and Hannah’s birthdates) we hold an auction. We donate items and choose which disease the proceeds go to. Pictures are put up and bids are placed. When it’s over on July 7th, the highest bidders send their donations directly to the linked organization for their item. When we know that it’s been recieved there, we send out the item to the winning bidder. It’s a simple process but we’re proud that we’re doing something. We want to do more, we want more people donating and more people bidding. Please check out our blog, and if you can, when the auction starts, bid on an item!
These are not imaginary friends, they do not live in my computer and they have suffered the worst pain a parent can feel. When you start to think that the internet is “just the internet", think about Hannah and Claire, Sawyer and Monica, we do.
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